thedisneydifference:

(Source: minnie-mickey-disney, via ginnysgotagun)

It’s not worth it to live for the future and want to die today.

These past two weekends are pushing on me so much. I’m trying so hard to make the change that I want to be. It really is time.
I can’t handle this fighting and struggling and pressuring myself and the expectations. I have GOT to let go and let God. Me being a control freak is trashing my life. The insistent worrying. The pit constantly in my stomach. None of it is healthy. And now my body is really telling me I have to calm down. That news was a sign that it was time.
It’s not easy. What. So. Ever. I will struggle with this more than any other addiction. It’s the one I have had the longest. Worry. Worry. Worry. That has been my worst addiction. It’s the one now controlling my life. There is only one person I want to control my life and its time to let him.
I can’t change my parents. I know that. So why do I keep trying? I can’t control my sister. I can’t decide how she will handle this. I’m not there. I know what to do for her so why am I not doing it? I’ve done all I can in my whole life to make it so I can go to college. So why do I keep worrying I haven’t done enough? It’s time to stop.
What has happened with them is not my fault. I have to stop blaming myself. He has better things for me. I know it. This is not meant to be my life! Why is it so hard for me to let go when it is slowly killing me inside. Change the voices in your head.. I’ll make them like me instead. I may not understand it yet but I know I have a destiny to fulfill. Why am I not letting Him fulfill it?
My expectations for God are NOWHERE where they should be and expectations for myself are out of the question for me to reach on my own.
It’s time.
Lord.. I’m ready..
I give up.

it’s like everything wants to come all at once. I don’t get it. Why today when all of the other things were also present? I don’t know.
I just wanna help him.